23 Years of Herpes Lawsuits – Do You Have to Tell You Have Herpes and When?

You CAN be sued for not telling someone you had herpes. 23 years of herpes lawsuits proves this.

Starting in 1987, Let’s Look Over 23 Years of Herpes Lawsuits

In 1987 Tony Bennett made headlines when he was ordered by the courts to undergo medical tests to determine if he could have given a woman genital herpes. Bennett said he didn’t have herpes and that his doctors report confirmed this. Her lawsuit was for $95 million and he, naturally, was counter suing for $100 million.

I can find many references to the filing of this case, and none to how it was eventfully settled.

Also in 1987, this was making headlines:

The decision upheld the right of Jane Maharam, 56, to sue her former husband Robert, 56, on her claim that he had herpes and did not tell her. The court found that such partners have a legal duty to inform each other about their venereal diseases.

1992 was another big year in herpes lawsuits:

One of the big news items was that a 1986 lawsuit filed again the actor/comedian Robin Williams was finally settled. That’s 6 years later after the herpes lawsuit was filed! The case was settled out of court for an “undisclosed sum.”

The 1992 article in The New York Times, “Pillow Talk” brings up much that is still hotly being debated today:

1. Mr. Williams’s lawyer, argued in court papers that a person who doesn’t ask and doesn’t insist on prophylactics should assume the risks.

2. So, legal experts have begun to ask whether the responsibility for taking precautions should be shared. “Everybody should be on notice that unprotected sex creates risks of all sorts, and you shouldn’t rely totally on the good-faith disclosure of a partner,” said Catherine O’Neill of the Legal Action Center.

3. He also noted that judges have not come right out and described what they would consider a legally acceptable way to break the bad news to a lover. “They haven’t exactly spelled out a kind of Miranda warning for these cases,” Mr. Rabin said.

4. In herpes litigation, the claims against partners have ranged from those who sinned by omission, keeping mum about their status, to those who, when asked if they had a sexually transmitted disease, lied. In a 1984 opinion in a herpes case, a California appellate court acknowledged that while rulings on bedroom behavior infringed the right to privacy, public-health-policy concerns loomed larger. Courts have decided that if someone is infected, aware of it and sexually active, that person has a duty to inform a partner, who by extension, has a right to know.

2004 Herpes Lawsuits

In 2004 it was alleged NOT that Liza Minnelli had actually given David Gest herpes, but that Liza Minnelli had not told him that she had herpes until months after they had been married. Essentially, what was put forth was that this would make the prenuptial agreement invalid as the agreement would have been based on fraud… not all the information was given to Gest when signing the prenup.

2006 Herpes Lawsuit

Michael Vick, the football player who was later went to jail for dog-fighting and animal cruelty, settled a lawsuit filed by a woman who said he knowingly gave her herpes. The name “Ron Mexico” became infamous as that was the fake name Vick is reported to have used when seeking treatment for herpes.

2007 Herpes Lawsuit

In Los Angeles CA, Elizabeth Mazzocchi filed a herpes lawsuit against NYPD Blue actor Esai Morales. Once again, you only can find reference to the announcement of the lawsuit, and no reference to its outcome.

2009 Herpes Lawsuit

A woman was awarded $7 million in a suit filed by a 56 year old woman who was infected with herpes by a 77 year old man. Interesting here is the woman said she was denied health insurance after getting infected with herpes. The77 year old man said he would appeal.

2010 Herpes Lawsuit

A woman from Chicago filed a herpes lawsuit seeking $50,000 against her husband. The 1987 Tony Bennett lawsuit was for $95 million. Now, lawyers will take cases for $50,000. It seems it’s getting easier and easier to sue for herpes.

Where there is blood in the water, you are sure to find sharks. Lawyers seem to be more actively chasing the herpes ambulance.


• Is there a double standard for oral herpes and genital herpes? Is this fair?

• Should people have to disclose that they have oral herpes before kissing another person?

• Can you be sued for having HSV-1 (usually oral herpes) and having oral sex, and not telling the other person?

• If you give a person HSV-1 through oral sex can you be sued?

• Can you be sued for KISSING another person and giving them HSV-1 oral herpes?

• Do you have to tell that you have genital herpes if you practice safe sex and it’s a one night stand?

• If you are participating in RISKY BEHAVIOR, does that mean you assume the risk? (Could a prostitute sue someone for giving her herpes?)

• Do porn stars have a right to know if the person they are working with has herpes?

• Must you tell the truth of your STD status if the other person asks? In other words, “Is LYING the same as simply not telling?”

• Is the responsibility of discussing herpes and other STDs a one way street? Is only a person who knows they have or have had an STD required to bring it up?

• Is a person who has unprotected sex with lots of people required to be truthful about this when asked? After all, it’s the risky behavior that makes a STD more likely. People that get tested are simply being responsible. Must the responsible people bear all the responsibility simply because they got tested?

• Does a person have a LEGAL responsibility to know their STD status? If a person is having unprotected sex with multiple partners, shouldn’t they know that they may be passing on STDs to other people, even if they haven’t received an official test? A reasonable person would know this.

• Is a person who has a STD but fails to get tested still legally responsible for giving the other person their STD? (The ignorance is bliss excuse is an excuse…)

• Is HSV-1 a sexually transmitted disease?


  1. What is the statute of limitations to file the lawsuit from the time you are infected? If you
    continue a relationship with the infecter after contracting the STD does that damage the case?

  2. I meet one guy who was married. I got herpes from him. Can I sue him?

  3. Have an inconsiderate co-worker with a giant cold sore that she constantly picks and peels and squeezes during work while she is touching everything in the office. She jokes around with everyone, showing them her medicine. Can she be sued for infecting us? How can we protect ourselves from her?

  4. I was told by my fiance months into our relationship that she had herpes. After we broke up about ten months ago, she has slept with numerous people. I spoke to a few of them and she never disclosed the info to them either. Can we file a joint lawsuit?

  5. I dated a guy for three months and we broke up. He waited a month to tell me his baby momma supposely called him and told him that he had herpes. He asked me what i was going to do about it. I told him i was going to get tested and I dont know what he was going to do. So the next day I got tested and found out that it came back positive. Now he is trying to put the blame on me. But before he told me he called my ex 4 days before to tell him. For real! That’s messed up. Do you think i have a law suite?

  6. So to answer some of your questions,

    Pissed Off – you can’t get herpes from inanimate objects, unless you are sharing sex toys with someone you are safe from contracting herpes from them. Herpes is passed from direct skin-to-skin contact. Your co-worker most likely has HSV-1, so do ~60% of the population. That means half of the people you work with! Her behavior sounds disgusting, but unless you make out with her by the water cooler, you won’t catch anything from her.

    Lady Lu – the statute of limitations is different in every state. In most states it is 2 years from when the event happened or from when you learned about the event (i.e. the day you learned you had contracted herpes)

    If you have herpes you have to tell your partners about it. They can sue you. In some states they have criminal laws against this, so you could even go to jail.

    Just be honest

  7. I dated a guy in April, 2011 and he did not tell me he has herpes. The first time we had sex (I was drunk and he did 3 times) we dated for 3 months and I got herpes symptoms and then he left me. I am afraid to have sex and very sad now. Can anyone tell me what to do?

  8. I was dating some one for almost 5 yrs . He also had another girl that I found out he had been with 3 yrs . When I found out he was with her without rubbers I got tested and found out I have herpes. The day I was tested was the end of my life. I would like to sue him.

  9. I got the disease yrs ago from a guy who was along time friend. I have been haunted for 15 yrs. I have dated but will not get married because i dread having to tell someone that i have an STD. AS a carrier, it is difficult and humiliating to tell someone your condition. I wish he had told me. It can destroy your life. If someone is negligent and gives you a disease, i say sue before its too late…

  10. I was dating a guy recently and had protected sex with him a few times. Then I got this weird vibe from him, so I asked if there was anything he wanted to tell me. He said “I have herpes but I never have broke out.” I broke it off then. Now I have herpes. I feel like my love life is over. I want to file a lawsuit against him. He’s a evil person for not telling me and should pay.

  11. I have herpes and did not get it from anyone I found out on my 16th birthday and I told my partner and am now engaged. So its possible to find your sole mate with the disease. But I had some body at work ask me if I had any disease because I cut my finger, and I said no bc I don’t want her to tell everyone. Can I get in trouble for that or if my blood were to touch anyone? Even if I don’t have an out break at the time, I am 19 and haven’t had an out break since I first found I had it.

  12. I broke up with my boyfriend march 5 because I caught him at another womans house at 2:30 AM. About a week after I moved out of our house I had symptoms of herpes and then tested positive. When I called to inform him of this he confessed he went to the doctor on feb 28 and was given medicine for herpes. Can I sue him? He clearly knew he had them and chose to not tell me, which resulted in me catching the virus.

  13. I just went to the doctor this monday because I had some nasty symptoms. Alot of itching alot of discharge, and irritated skin. Thinking it was nothing but a yeast infection and truly believing that. I don’t know why I chose to ignore it…I’m smart, I know all about STD’s I just didn’t believe it could happen to me. I slept with a guy 3 weeks ago that I only knew for a month. I have never done that in my life….I usually wait an entire year before having sex with someone. I have been tested and always practice safe sex. Well…he pulls off the condom in the middle of us having sex, I didn’t know until we were done. The week after is when the symptoms started. Well, the doctor says I have chlamydia, and that I tested positive for herpes…..but it could be a false positive because its to soon to know. I’m devastated….I really just feel like my life is over because of one foolish night with a person who had no regard for me or my life. He claims that he didn’t have anything before talking to me….I know he is lying because my ex didn’t have anything so I know its not from me…if he didn’t know….it isn’t anyone’s fault then right….but I think he is lying

  14. I have a 28 year old friend who confided in me that she has herpes and last year my boyfriend set her up with his good friend. I felt obligated to let my boyfriend know but also loyal to her. Well my boyfriend saw one of my texts to her and found out that she has it. He told her that she needed to tell him herself or he would. I can’t blame him. She recently told him in January and they had been dating for about 7 monthst at that time. She lied and told him that she just found out. She honestly knew she had it and failed to take precautions. Only after my boyfriend pressuring her to tell him the whole truth (that she knew she had it) she did. I feel horrible for him. Apparently he’s OK with it and hasn’t even been checked. This is not the only guy she did this to come to find out. Another one is a friend of mine as well. She should have been more responsible for her actions. She’s not even the greatest friend to me anyways. Should I end the friendship?

  15. I can’t imagine causing anyone as much pain as being infected with HSV 2 has caused me. I will never have children; I will never have the opportunity to donate blood or organs and I cannot have a real relationship because I don’t want this disgusting disease to spread. I had remained chaste until marriage. The only person who I have ever been with gave me HSV2 and abandoned me. He got to leave, but I will have this for the rest of my life. I have had horrible emotional problems since then. I trusted and loved my husband. I did everything I could to protect myself from disease and it got me. I am trying to find help. I don’t like to pity myself and put myself down but this is a disease that is frequently joked about. As I was in the ER, in pain, a male shouted “Trojan Man!” into the room where I was receiving treatment. Lawyers need to represent victims of sexual misconduct.

  16. I was sleeping with two different girls then had a one night stand with a random lady after a wild night at the bars.. we were using a condom but then having trouble :/ so we took it off. That was one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. I got herpes from her I believe and it sucks. She denies it and made all these claims like, “Don’t accuse me of shit. I haven’t been tested for 4 months or so.” and I had been tested in June with nothing! Yikes! Then her number went out of service. That’s not obvious. Now I’m in a rut dealing with HSV 2 on my penis. What can I do? Sure you feel like will I ever find love, or no more sex, bla bla…I haven’t seen either of the girls I was “dating” for almost 3 weeks embarassed of my situation. I know one will be gone for sure but what can you do? Life goes on. You just have to make lifestyle changes and get to know someone more before getting laid. Or.. let them know and use protection. There’s also more to life than having sex, and thats hard for me to say because I love to bone. But it’s a reality…..Good luck.

  17. If on average 25-33% of America has HSV2 genital herpes…and over 80% have HSV1 oral herpes….wouldn’t it stand to reason that if you’ve had more than 3-4 sexual partners in a lifetime you have been exposed to genital herpes with the chances more than double that for oral herpes?

  18. You can be a carrier for many years and not know it. Unless you have been tested recently by blood, or you have had an outbreak you may unknowingly pass it on. Something that hasn’t been mentioned here is that EVEN with condom use and abstaining when you or your partner is having an outbreak, herpes is EASILY spread. It is spread because many, many, people have their outbreak spots (herpes pretty much comes out in the same location each time, and the shedding cells are Also limited to that site). If you are a woman with herpes, and you outbreak in a spot anywhere a condom doesn’t cover during penetration, you can pass it. If a man has his outbreak blister(s) anywhere other than his shaft ( his balls, or even his groin) it is passed. In all honesty, people who have outbreaks know that a condom will NOT protect someone from getting herpes if they outbreak in any spot that a condom specifically doesn’t cover. Imagine all the body parts down there that rub together that are not covered by a condom. That is the reason why so many people have this “disease” and why many people won’t tell someone about it, or even use a condom. They already know that a condom is useless in many cases. It is possible to have the virus and NEVER know because you don’t outbreak. BUT, it still can be passed. It sucks, but on the whole, once you get it under control an in “remission”, it is possible to have a fulfilling sexual and family life. The actual rate of spreading is .02% with condoms, and .04% without. That means if you have sex 100 times with a person who has it, only 2 or 4 times will be passing it. Lets face facts, if you’re having sex with someone for 100 times, you’re in a comitted relationship. If you both have it, then you both have it. It is not a death sentence. It is a COLD SORE.

  19. I have herpes. I’m only 20. I got it from my cousin’s bfs friend. I don’t have unprotected sex, but this idiot put it in with no condom. I realized it quickly and jumped back and didn’t continue and told him off. Well, after that I did a regular check up and came out negative.

    But my cousin tells me that he hears that his friend has herpes because his bm said he gave it to her. Well, I was in an on-n- off relationship but fully committed after that incident. I told that person and now we are no longer together. But I try to remain in contact and haven’t been with no one since I did take the test and it came out positive. I want justice for the suffering it caused me. Me and my cousin are not close no more. Also, I noticed the outbreak soon after having the incident.

  20. Hey, you all that are bemoaning the fact that you’ve got it… I’ve got it too, and it’s not a death sentence!

    I’ve had to admit it to six different women that I’ve been involved with. It’s never an easy thing to admit, but I feel that I need to. Especially if I know that I want to be in a long term relationship with them.

    I tell them “I have to share something personal with you. I have genital herpes. It’s more of an inconvenience than anything else. I’ve had two breakouts in five years, thanks to Valcyclovir medicine. It’s like having a few zits for a few days that itch a little. If we’re going to be intimate, I’d prefer that we have protected sex. Although the chance of you contracting it when I’m not having a breakout is low, it’s still a risk, and I’d rather that you not get it from me. If you decide to not pursue a relationship with me, I ask that you be discrete with what I’ve told you. You’re still my friend and still special to me, no matter what you decide.”

    Out of the six, two had to think about it. They researched it for a few days, and eventually decided that I was worth the risk. Out of the six, one contracted it. I paid for her treatment, gave her some of my meds, and was there for her emotionally and physically. I still feel bad about it, but she admitted that because she went in with full knowledge, she didn’t blame me. She’s still a good friend that I love dearly.

    So, don’t lose hope. Be honest, take precautions, and stay on your meds so that you’re not having a monthly/quarterly reminder that you’ve got this minor problem! Live with the right mindset – your personality and ability to love others will always outweigh your physical “issues”!

  21. I know a girl who has herpes and is sleeping with men without protection.. How can i have her stopped ?

  22. I was just diagnosed with this and can’t imagine being selfish enough to share. People are ruthless and its usually the good, trusting people like myself that get burnt. There should be laws, strict laws. The one way to get rid of diseases is to stop spreading them! Its simple math.

  23. I was just diagnosed with herpes. I got it from a guy that I have been with or over a month. He knew he had it and swears he didn’t. I pulled a Jerry Seinfeld and looked through his bathroom and found Zovirax cream – and he cannot swallow pills, which is why he has this cream. I am a type 1 diabetic, so this shit sucks bad…

  24. Anyone wondering what they should do to protect their legal rights, should call around and talk with lawyers that specialize in Sex Tort, which is essentially Personal Injury. You MUST speak with SPECIALISTS, not all attorneys know this type of law (though will come off as if they do). NOT KNOWING IS NOT A LEGAL EXCUSE!!! Anyone engaging in sexual activities has a duty to know the status of their body’s health. Problem is that Herpes testing is NOT part of the standard STD test panel.

  25. I was married 22 years and not once did I ever cheat on him. The last time I was intimate was with him 2 and a half years ago before he left me for a younger woman. I recently found a blister next to labia. I’m so upset that this could be genital herpes that I contracted from someone who was supposed to be monogamous with me and wasn’t. I got screwed in the divorce and now I don’t know if I will ever be able to have a relationship with another man again. I want to sue him but don’t know if I would win.

  26. For those of you worried about, or apprehensive about disclosing your virus, try http://www.mpwh.org
    It is a dating site for herpes sufferers and there are also groups, depending on where you live, where you can participate in activities and not necessarily “date” someone, but at least get to check them out. Seattle has a really good group with lots of meet-ups and fun activities.

    It really isn’t the end of the world, but I felt that way once too. I did eventually marry and have a child, and my husband (now divorced) never contracted the virus, and my son was born naturally and was not infected.

    Take L-Lysine. Don’t eat hazelnuts. Do searches on what foods to eat and NOT to eat. You can take antivirals too, but I prefer vitamins.

    I thought about suing the person who gave it to me. I was 20. He was 40, rich and famous. I was taken advantage of (no, it wasn’t Robin Williams, but pretty well-known). I’m now 55. He’s dead. Nobody’s getting sued. I never liked having to give the talk, but it’s best to do it when you’re not in the midst of passion. If you feel the relationship could get sexual. Find a comfortable spot, like a cozy corner in a coffee shop, or invite your partner to lunch and give them the spiel. There are many websites that offer advice on this.

    But don’t dwell on it. It isn’t going to kill you. It’s annoying and only really painful once…the first time. After that, it is like a mosquito bite that lasts a couple weeks.

  27. I got this in my late 20s from a BF who did not tell me. We’d been having unprotected sex for about nine months with no problems. Then one day, I got terrible flu like symptoms and a horribly painful first outbreak. I was in total utter shock when the doctor told me what it was. My BF claimed he had no idea and it did not come from him…. but the more I observed him, the more I found his reactions to my diagnosis were “odd.”

    Later he broke down and told me he “thought” he might have contracted it in college but was never totally sure. I look back on the night I got it and remember a sore on him that he claimed was from getting caught in a zipper! Stupidly I believed him and we had sex. Duh. Well it changed the course of my life forever.

    I went to a doctor a second time and I will never forget what he said, “sorry to be so cavalier about this, but we see it every day.” He prescribed acyclovir which I didn’t take. I should have. The first outbreak lasted a month and I was utterly miserable. I thought I was stuck with this guy forever because he’d stuck me with a death sentence. I didn’t think I would ever have the children I wanted so badly because he didn’t want children and I was so afraid to have “the talk” with anyone new.

    Well fast forward to another time and place. I met up with an old BF who did not care about my “condition” and loved me no matter what. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, but I DID tell my fiance. He did not care! So I moved to another state, married him and went on to have twins who were born by C-section. Even my OB at the time said the worry about childbirth and H was overblown.

    However I continued to have outbreaks monthly until the invention of the fabulous miracle drug called Valtrex.

    My marriage eventually broke up but I continued to have outbreaks UNLESS I took Valtrex religiously. Sometimes I had good insurance that covered this very expensive drug and sometimes I didn’t. I had many relationships, often unprotected and never gave it to anyone. This is bad to admit, but I found it was best not to tell. I know. But I have a really really good handle on when I am symptomatic and when I am not. I am being honest when I say I wouldn’t get near anyone if there was even a hint of something. The medicine truly does help with that.

    Something a friend of mine told me–he is a pharmacist–that 400 mgs of Acyclovir twice a day is identical to Valtrex 500mg once a day. Exact same formulation. You just have to remember to take the second pill ON TIME. (same time every day) That is the challenge. I found I have never had any problems at all if I did this. AND you can get it generically very cheap.

    So long story short… I am now 54 and am still young at heart. Have never passed it on and have had a fulfilling sex life many times over. You just have to be on top of the tingly sensations and never ever even chance it if you feel the sensation.

    I got this in 1987 and consider myself not infectious “all the time” so why give people the impression I am infectious all the time? And it did not ruin my life; in fact many of the long term life decisions that I made because I got H have led me to the great life I have now. So I actually have to thank it.

    Don’t despair! Just manage it, take the meds and be very attuned to the signs… and you will be fine too.

  28. Unless you have nothing of monetary value you are taking a huge financial risk in not disclosing. The reason we don’t hear the outcome of cases against people with money is because they paid big bucks to end the lawsuits quietly. If one has no money to lose, one is left with a moral or reputational question–does one want to cause another person to feel like their life is, or potentially has been “destroyed,” or is one willing to take the risk that an infected person’s devastation or vindictive nature will compel them to publish your name and/or photograph with your positive herpes status on Craigslist, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc, to your great humiliation, or that some innocent spouse/significant other will become infected? In my opinion, someone who has herpes should utilize the dating sites that can connect them to others whose lives have been similarly “destroyed” and proceed to have a great and sexy time with a fellow “destroyed” person. Full disclosure forced upon people by humliation and lawsuits will have the potentially positive consequence that herpes carriers will to be encouraged to have liability-free sex (because there are way more carriers out there who haven’t come clean–I believe the statistic is 1 in 6 men and 1 in 4 women) while allowing everyone else to stay free of the disease, or assume the risk with full appreciation of the consequences (horrors!– a quarterly sore, or c-section birth).

  29. To hate and herpes start w a H — I am 22 years old, and found out I had herpes at 20. The day I found out I felt like I wa going to die. I googled my symptoms and bam — herpes was all I saw in the search results. I was devistated and depressed.

    I went first thing in the morning to the doctors and was treated. After 2 or 3 months of putting myself down, I decided to educate myself about this horrible disease. And discovered, IT ISN’T the end of the world. You will not die, and in a way, it’s a wake up call, as safe sex should have been practices from the get-go.

    No one in my family knows, just a close friend. But any how, the way you eat has A LOT to do. Your breakouts can decrease. And being depressed or stressed will cause an outbreak. When feeling tingly down there, grab some ICE! Herepes LOVE hot and humid gentiles. I learned this from a planned parenthood doctor/ And stay away from chocolate and caffeine. Since I found out about this diet, it has made a huge diffrence. Breakouts occur, but it not often. And! you can have children. I just had a beautiful HEALTHY little boy 7 months ago, I let my doctor know from the 1st visit. I was monitored and also informed that I have type-O blood, which is the rarest blood type, and that as soon as my son is out, I should donate blood.

    I of course disappointed myself and reminded her of my herpes, and said that it couldn’t be transferred like that. So hunny, pick your chin up. It’s all in your hands, don’t be too hard on yourself. Its a devistating feeling, I know. But un necessary one. Xoxo

  30. I was in a relationship with a guy. After we had oral sex a week later I was getting very sick. I later found out I had been infected wuth herpes. He finally admitted he has herpes as well as his mother and father. .Omg a herpe family! ! I want to know if I can sue him . Not only did he fail to mention it, nor did his mom! Now I have this forever.

  31. I would just like to tell my story. I have told no one about my disease, not even my nearest and dearest family. I know how they would look at me and what they would think :( I was in a relationship with a guy for two and a half years before we broke up for about a year. He came back into my life and we kind of picked things up where we left off mentally and physically. I asked him if he had been involved with anyone during our breakup. He said yes. I asked if he was sure that he was clean. He replied “Yes. And I gave blood about a month ago (this was after the last time he had sex) and if I had something, they would’ve contacted me” So I trusted him. We had sex and about 3 months later I was experiencing symptoms like never before. I went to the doctor and tested positive for herpes. This sickened me to the highest extent because this is the only man I’ve ever slept with. He is the only person who could’ve possibly given it to me. I trusted him. He had never had an outbreak, so I couldn’t put all of the blame on him. I told him about contracting the disease and he was sorry, sympathetic, and unaware of what he had done. We just recently broke up again ending a total of 5 years with ups and downs and I never want to see him. I constantly remind him that if he decides to go sleep around again, then he better tell his partners. I don’t think that he will….. If he gives anyone the disease without letting them know what he has… I will make it my duty to let them know that they may have a lawsuit on their hands.

  32. Life comes with risks. Sex also comes with risks. Take personal responsibility for yourself and assume anyone you meet COULD have herpes or any other STI.
    I get so tired of the lawyers earning huge profits from people who don’t take responsibility for themselves and want to pass the blame to someone else. Time to grow UP!

    If you want to have sex, you run the risk of getting a disease, especially if you don’t educate and protect yourself EVERY time you engage in intimate behaviour. Why is that so hard to understand?

    Getting Herpes doesn’t end your life unless you leave it untreated. Get treatment and prevent spreading it further. That’s YOUR responsibility.
    Accept that the majority of people have or have had an STI and stop stigmatizing them: NICE people get Herpes, too!!

    Herpes is just an irritating skin condition that flares up once in awhile.
    Educate yourself; learn to recognize the symptoms of an outbreak, don’t play when the virus is active and wait until you are healed before you play intimately again if transferring it to your partner is a concern.

    Once it’s dormant, be HONEST with potential partners. Give them the chance to weigh the risks and, without pressure, decide if your relationship is worth it.
    If they can’t handle the risk, find things to do together that don’t involve risky behaviour or don’t play with them.

  33. I just ended a relationship 3 months ago with a man who was seeing an other woman knowing that she has herpes. I was informed right before he took her on vacation and we broke up. I contacted her and she verified she does have it. I have not had a break out but live in fear and do not date . I was tested by swap and show no current out breaks. I have and have had herpes 1 for most of my life, so I cannot blood test as the test will be inconclusive. The dr told me it can be dormant in my body for years…

  34. Naah, it’s either risk getting it or isolate yourself totally in a cave somewhere — there is no way to hide from this. It’s just so daamn common and – sageadvice – your totally wrong that you need direct skin skin contact to get it. I know people who have gotten it drinking from others glasses for example. So this is someting you can get without being in direct contact with people for sure!

  35. I am going to be honest wit ya woman.. I end up getting herpes from a female and don’t make any different from a male give it to a woman. Herpes is not serious matter because is not HIV disease.. yes there maybe a law different stated but that don’t make us bad people because you can die any where life now.. so those who talking about sue a man because he did not tell you he don’t have herpes.. don’t lose your time and enjoy your life

  36. I met someone at work and he lied about his age. He was so convincing, some people can be very good at what they do. I was so careful being married for 15 years, and later separated for 2 years/ I would meet this horrible person that gave me herpes. I did find out he was sleeping with everyone, very promiscuous and I’m so thankful that i did not get HIV. My prayers to god everyday how wonderful he is. I will enjoy my life and be happy.

  37. I dont know if anyone knows this but stds, especially herpes, are a gateway to HIV. The doctor will tell you once you get herpes that if you come incontact with someone with HIV, the meds to prevent HIV might not help you because you have herpes.

  38. It really upsets me to see people so upset about having herpes. IT IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE. So many people have it, I am relatively open about having it and I find when I tell people I have it, SOOO many people admit it too. You are far from alone, you will not get sick, you will simply be uncomfortable when/if you have an outbreak. Also, people don’t understand that unless you are monogamous and have been tested since you have been with that person, you don’t even know who you got it from. You may have carried it for a long time without knowing.

    The main point that I’m trying to make is that IT IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE. You would be shocked by how many people have it if you talk to friends or family about it.

  39. According to medical websites, as many as 90% of people with HSV-2 don’t even know they have it because symptoms can be so minor. Someone may have it for many years or even decades and not know it. It’s seems to me in many cases it would be difficult to know exactly who gave it to who.

  40. It really upsets me to hear the men on this board say they don’t understand why we are all getting so upset about having herpes. It is usually men that say this. Women have it a lot worse when they have herpes. It is a hell of a lot easier to keep a penis dry than a vagina and we also have our periods which also make a fine environment for the virus to be activated again. It is not the same experience for women.

  41. I just found I have herpes when I was confronted by a strange man that suspected his wife was having an affair with my husband. When my husband confessed it was true, I let the woman’s husband know also. My marriage is ending and not only am I crushed by his having an affair, I hate that they have infected me with this lifelong reminder of their irresponsible behaviour!

  42. Oh my! How depressing to read all these stories. Yes! Yes! Having H sucks…. but the reason it sucks is because everyone makes such a big deal about it. The disease itself for most people is quite mild or symptom less. After the first couple of years, outbreaks diminish and years can go by without any outbreaks at all. The pictures you see on the internet are worst case scenarios. The worst part about H is the judgement placed on those lucky enough to have contracted it. Yes, those with it do need to disclose their status prior to having sex. Yes, it can lead to rejection. However, it often does not. I have had it for 15 years and have been accepted by a few boyfriends and then my husband. I am now divorced and going through this again. The scariest part is just coming out and saying it. The sooner the better I find, as this just gets it out in the open and the relationship can end before it starts. People! This is not the the plague, or HIV. It is not a death sentence. It is a disease that is easily managed and generally pretty harmless. I do not believe that criminalizing it will help. In fact I have heard people say over and over, that they will not get tested for anything because then they will not be liable!!!! Really? So who is more dangerous? Those few who have it and don’t reveal? or the masses of untested people running around having unprotected sex with multiple partners? I for one always reveal and know many others with H who do the same. I think it is time that both partners take responsibility for the safety of their partner and themselves. When I contracted this, there was no suing anybody or pressing charges against anybody. The fact is, that I was not diligent. Yes, he should have told me. However, I should have insisted on a condom and I should have asked. I learned my lesson and now…not only do I reveal my situation, I also refuse to have intercourse with any one until they have been tested for all STD’s. Too many people assume they have nothing just because they have no symptoms. Anyway… lighten up those of you you do have H. You can find love, you deserve to be loved, and most of all you need to start loving yourself. This should not be a scarlet letter that you wear around. Society has made it such and needs to end the vicious cycle of hatred and disgust surrounding this condition. Most of us either have one or both types or have a close friend or relative with it. Those who do have it and carelessly sleep around without disclosure. Well, they are a special breed I suppose … one that I can not speak for.

  43. I don’t think it is fair for people to automatically be sued if they passed on a disease that they are told will not pass to another person unless they have an out break. Also, nobody can pin point who is to blame for their contraction of herpes because type 1 can turn in to type 2. So you would need to eradicate the disease altogether, but it is hard for me to believe that their isn’t a cure. I don’t think there is a cure because the government wants to line pockets with money.

  44. Hsv 1 cannot turn into hsv 2.

  45. That’s correct: HSV1 CANNOT become HSV2.

    HSV1 on the mouth can be transferred to the genital area, but it is still HSV1. However, having HSV1 on the genital area is not better or worse than having HSV2 on the genital area. HSV 2 can be transferred to the mouth area from the genital area, but it’s unlikely. The increase in oral sex has made HSV1 more common in the genital area than it used to be.

  46. I contracted HSV2 from a man whom I was engaged to in 2008. He drove a truck and like they say, while the cats away the mice will play. The relationship ended, and I began having symptoms about a week after we split. I lived in fear of a diagnosis, so I suffered through my symptoms for about 3 years which were very frequent. I finally worked up the nerve to see a dermatologist who confirmed my diagnosis. They put me on Valtrex and it didn’t work. I moved back home and an ex with whom I had unfinished buisness came back into my life wanting to marry me. That was until I broke the news to him. Within weeks he changed his tune and wanted to “break up”. The simple fact is he has always had type 1. We never had sex prior to me telling him about my diagnosis.

    My point, in my part of the country you don’t tell it to anyone period. It’s a small area where everyone knows everyone else. I started seeing a new doctor recently who actually advised me not to tell anyone I was dating because it would be hard to trace back to me anyway. However, I couldn’t live with myself if I gave it to someone else. My biweekly outbreaks would be a dead give away anyway. I’ve decided that I don’t want to date around here period and that when my children are grown I’ll try moving to a larger city where no one can pass the news back to my family and close friends. Then I’ll give dating a try again.

  47. Herpes is MUCH worse and much more frequent outbreaks in women than in men. I’ve had it for almost 5 years and my outbreaks have been visible in 18 of past 21 days. Please do NOT say it is not a big deal. HSV can also lead to encephilitis and blindness. I have had to drastically change my diet to avoid favorite foods such as peanut butter, all nuts, seeds, wheat products, chocolate, caffeine, etc. And it easily is transferred by mere skin to skin contact, no sex required. That is how I contracted it. You can even transfer it to other parts of your own body! It has ruined my personal life. I went from a highly attractive, intelligent woman to nothing overnite. I am hoping and praying for a cure ASAP.

  48. I met a woman, we had unprotected sex the very first nigh we hung out. She waits until after it’s over…scratching…to tell me she has Herpes. I don’t know yet if I’ve been infected, but what sucks is through investigation I’ve found it’s illegal or unlawful to WARN OTHER DUDES ABOUT THIS WOMAN……WHY????? She shouldn’t be able to gamble with others’ sexual futures. She should be required to at least REQUIRE partners to wear protection because of her status……right?

  49. I recently found out I have herpes… and I am leaving a comment to vent since I will not be breathing a word of this to absolutely anyone I know, not even my best friends. I was always an angel. I was always a straight A student, a shining star in High School and went onto a top university on a full ride scholarship. I always stayed focus academically and never dated. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23 years old, far after graduation, which wasn’t because I am some frumpy, smelly person….quite the opposite…. I just always chose to focus on my studies and only become sexually involved with someone with whom you are in a committed relationship.

    I have been dating the same person I lost my virginity to for a year and a half and the symptoms are just now popping up. I had him get tested immediately, as did I. The results are not in completely, but my doctor put me on herpes medicine anyway.

    What infuriates me is that I was so persistent with him about getting tested. He insisted that there is absolutely no way that he contracted anything, and I asked him several times before we had unprotected sex whether or not he had an STD, and each time he swore he didn’t. I should have insisted he get tested. Now… I honestly want to die. I feel like my life just ended. I feel like I will never be able to feel beautiful again, and I will never meet someone who could make me feel beautiful. My dreams of being with “the one” are crushed. Ruined by the boyfriend I settled for in the first place, because honestly, I couldn’t find anyone better. Honestly, how does one get over the shame? I have always been an attractive, intelligent young lady that would constantly turn down dates from attractive, intelligent men…. now I will have men recoiling from me. I honestly want to die. To not exist at this point. I don’t think I can handle the humiliation.

    Lesson to take away here…. ALWAYS get tested whether or not you think you have anything, that goes for your partner too.

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